Jonas – Time to go Old Yeller

Have you got a hair cut Jonas?

Have you got a hair cut Jonas?

I have a dog; he’s a beloved member of the family. He used to be so full of energy, running around getting into all sorts of mischief. But lately he’s not been himself. He’s 17 now, his hearing has deserted him and he doesn’t have as much energy as he used to. I still love him, and when his natural life comes to an end I will be inconsolable. I know that,with time, I will come to terms with the loss of this beautiful black and white creature.

One such black and white creature that probably should have been put down…ahem…I mean sold by now is Jonas Gutierrez. Sure, he runs up and down the wing, and sure he works hard, but lately he seems to have taken the form of my family pet; running around aimlessly with no sense of purpose other than for the sheer fun of it. I’m sorry, for a top flight wing player, we need a little bit more than that. What has happened to the enigmatic wing players Newcastle United have grown accustomed to? The Ginolas? The Roberts? The Gillespies?

January’s signing of Yoan Gouffran, along with the summer arrival of Loic Remy should see Gutierrez’s first team options on the wing, cut to a premium. However, Pardew has shown a tendency to play Jonas in a myriad of places. For example, for large parts of last season, when he wasn’t on the wing, he could be found to be running around aimlessly in the central defensive midfield position. At other times he could also be found at left back. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

With our depth in these two positions, it would appear that Jonas will not see much first team action this season but just as I have a soft spot for my dog, so too does Pardew hold a special place in his heart for Jonas. As I write this I am strangely beginning to understand Pardew’s obsession with playing him. I never like to understand Pardew, it makes me feel dirty.

Pardew must understand that he must abandon whatever affiliation he has with Jonas for the good of the team. If he does this then I don’t think we will be seeing much of Jonas, save for cameo appearances off the bench to close out the game.

I know I am spending a lot of time writing about who isn’t good enough for Newcastle United. I see myself as the overbearing father who is criticising every boy his daughter takes home. However, that is another analogy for another day.

Suffice to say, this rabies infested, long-haired, loveable family pet needs to “go to the farm” and let the family that is NUFC mourn his loss.

Is it a bit much likening Jonas to an aged dog? Does he still have a role in the team? If so, where? I’d love to hear your thoughts.



  1. Not sure I would liken Jonas to a Border Collie. I have a Border Collie called Shearer and he is far too smart to run around aimlessly.I should really have called him Given or Krull as nothing gets past him when he is in goal.As for Jonas,he has been a great player for us but his game has deteriorated since ” the Bull ” left for Liverfools.Time for someone younger with some guile.
    Where the hell is joke?


    1. Well my collie is actually a very well bred cross breed – a mongrel posing as pedigree – so the comparison stands! haha

      He looked excellent linking up with Enrique on the left wing, but that facet of his game is gone, and so too is any creativity he ever had. Hopefully we see him out of the side this weekend, but I wouldn’t count on it.


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